I've lost count on how many times I just sit back, in the quiet stillness.

Tilt my head back and close my eyes,

Imagining I'm back there again. 

Blessed are the Rich

While I was browsing Facebook today, I stumbled upon an old friend's post that jolted me quite a bit.
She said: "God loves the rich more then the poor."

Try as I might, I could not fault her in that belief as from a secular perspective, it does seem quite true - God seems to be more bias towards the rich then unfortunate poor. It doesn't take much explanation to see why - the rich are able to buy their health, live much less stressful lives, leave behind momentous legacies that far outlasts their own physical lives... and much more.

In fact, with so many churches preaching about "faith giving", and "prosperity gospels", it does seem that one could actually buy their way to heaven using money.

But I digress, the above is merely from secular perspective. To see the world from the lens of God, a person needs to understand His heart first.

1) Jesus came down poor
God could easily send the Holy Spirit to impregnate one of Caesar's concubines and hey presto, you would get a Jesus who is not only has inexhaustible material wealth, he's also have a heck lot of political clout. But no, Jesus became born as a human being in one of the most poverty stricken districts smack right in one of the most culturally and capitally developed civilizations on earth. He was born to an abjectly poor family who probably was chased out of a tavern because of caste differences, and breathed His first breath in a stinky stable in a wooden box where donkeys eat their food out from.
He was the saviour of the poor first, before the rich even came to him.

Why would God do that? Seriously? Wouldn't it be easier if He sent Jesus to be born in a wealthy family? He would have a moneybag swiss-knife that could bend people to His will!

But nooooo. Poor.

God's heart for people is never to force people to accept His love. To use legions to subjugate populations to "confess Christ" is antithesis and heresy. He wants people to come to Him willingly, and to love Him out of a willing heart, with their own choice. That is why material wealth would be a hindrance instead of a tool in spreading the message of salvation.

2) Jesus' first teaching, the Beatitudes fore-mentions "poor", "meek", "persecuted", "weak", "hungry", with more then half of the reference in direct reference to people living in poverty.
Blessed are the poor.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake.
Blessed are those who hunger for righteousness.

Why? It's a ridiculous notion because it is the RICH who are blessed, isn't it?
C'mon. Blessed are the rich for they have a beautiful Porsche.
Blessed are the fabulously wealthy for they can buy their own frigging kingdom.

It is in this context when this teaching shines through. - Rich people do not need any more blessing. They are self sufficient in much, they are self sufficient in little. That is why they do not see blessings any more - what they see is, "I constructed my kingdom with my own hands, with my own social skills and expertise - where was God in all this?".
The marginalized and poor have nothing, every day they wake up is a blessing, every meal they eat they feel undeservedly grateful for it. It is in this when the poor are able to see God in the smallest plentitudes in their life..

3) The eye of the needle.
Probably one of the most painful statements that Jesus ever said.

I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:23-26

Rich people DESPAIR.
Well... if you were the disciples at that time you would probably baulk at this statement as it would probably mean in today's context - nobody to fund the church, no land from government, nobody to give large tithes.

But probably the more important statement is the last part of the verse which says, "Who then can be saved?" and Jesus answered. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Because in contrast with the lifestyle that Jesus was living, hell, probably every other person walking on the street was rich.

The rich will find it harder to enter the kingdom of heaven because the more material wealth they struggled to build on earth, the harder they will fight against relinquishing it.
For the poor person on the roadside, the homeless pauper, to give his lunch money of $2 into the charity box, merely means that he will go hungry again, maybe, God-Willing, he will be able to get another $2 for dinner.
For the wealthy CEO and billionaire, a proportionate equivalent of the pauper's $2 would be, yes, a couple of billion dollars. What goes through his mind is however, far more complex - what will happen to my business empire? My shareholders? My stock options? My loans? What about my reputation? What about the workers who work under me? - as a result, he'd probably throw in a grand $1000 bill and give himself a pat on the back saying, 'Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and render unto God what is God's.", without even understanding that he just condemned himself.

But does that mean that the rich cannot be saved? Of course they can!
Salvation itself is an impossibility apart from God.
Transcribed into the former passage, you get "With men, salvation is impossible." - and true is that.

Salvation itself is an impossibility, so why question impossibility unless you are questioning salvation?

So back to the topic, rich people are not more blessed.
Rich people, in fact, are more tested.

For every dollar you have comes from God, be it one or a billion dollars.
Blessed are those who believe with all their hearts that they are poor, if not for God.

Living On The Other Side of the World - The Weather

I miss Brisbane a lot. 

I think one of the thing I regret most not doing down under is blogging more and taking more photos. There are so many things which I struggle to recall, to reminisce... With each thought, a frantic grasp to store it in some deep recess of my mind, hoping it will never disappear.

Australia is a really beautiful place. From the most rustic villages to the most urban cities; the unique flare that carries the Australian spirit is omnipresent.

Well... In another bid to catalogue my fleeting memories, I'm going to list down 5 things which I find so awesome about Australia.

Today, it's the weather.

1) The Weather

I think most Singaporeans would agree that Singapore is too hot. Waaay too hot. But guess what, Singapore is not as hot as Brisbane in summer. The summer of 2012 took the temperature all the way up to a blasting 38 degree centigrade that merely staying in the shade was a token blessing. But guess what? Queenslanders love the sun, even in that mad, baking temperature, the man-made beach at South Bank (a testament to their love of the sun and sea), would be filled to the brim with people. Kangeroo Point would be alive with novice climbers attempting to conquer the scenic cliff. Brisbane River would be rife with jet skis and racing kayaks.

That is merely the summer. I could go on and on about  the beauty of having 4 seasons.

The transitions between seasons would bring a few weeks of light rain. Unlike the showers in Singapore which comes and goes in a flash; these light rain lasts for days on end - pausing only for a few hours before continuing their laborious task to shift the season. The temperature sometimes plummets during these transitions, especially between Autumn and Winter, Winter and Spring, dropping to as low as 5-6 degrees at night even. 

It's during these times when I like to sit at my half broken wooden table outside my house and gaze into the hazy mist. The constant raindrops soothes a troubled mind or wounded heart far better then any other therapy.

Autumn is a curious mix of warm, still air and cold gusts. It's absolutely my most favourite time to brush up on my running. Running down along Coronation Drive, beside the calm Brisbane River at just about sunset is probably one of the most memorable things I did frequently. The sun setting on the horizon reflects snake-like blazing flames onto a pristine, azure sky. Framed by the city, or even the Wheel of Brisbane by Southbank, could just wish you could capture that moment on film. The temperature is usually about 16 - 27 degrees, with the low humidity, it is a chore to break a sweat for constant runners.

Winter is a season which I have extreme mixed feelings about. I will never forget how I just curled up in bed, trying to cover myself with as many blankets and jackets possible.- nothing seemed enough. It did not help that my house was a typical wooden Queenslander house. The roaring winds at night pierced the walls and kept me awake, teeth chattering.

Yeah, pathetic, I know. But I was brought up in a tropical environment, where the lowest temperature is twice that of the max temperature in winter. It was not something I was used to.

Nonetheless, that experience made me appreciate warmth a lot more. I never understood the meaning of "the luxury of a thick blanket and warm fire", until I experienced winter. While heat can severely irritate a person, it never saps the life out of people. Cold however, has the ability to destroy willpower.

Nothing that a warm bowl of stew can't solve however! haha..

Spring is by far my most favourite season. I can dress in berms and tank top, or jeans and jacket and feel comfortable either way. The colours of nature are truly much more vibrant in spring. I have so much memories attached to spring that I doubt I could ever pen it all down.

The Jacaranda tree blossoms, the Toowomba Flower Festival, the River Fire... When you wake up at 7am in Spring, the sun is shining, yet it is the cool breeze of night you feel against your face. You step out into the sun and immediately you feel what is meant by "the sun's gentle caress" against your face. That warmth is glorious.

Springtime is one of happiness. For some reason, nothing gets you down when you wake up, and it affects you for the rest of the day. You think positive, you act positive and everybody around you is just - happy. It's like everything sleepy is waking up again.

Well.. that is it for the seasons.

In Summer, I went to Agnes Waters and the Town of 1770 to fulfill my dreams of touching the Great Barrier Reef. I went to Byron Bay, the town of true chill-out to snorkel. I went to Surfer's Paradise and Colongatta to learn how to surf, and of course experience the truly beautiful waves.

In Autumn, I went to the Gold Coast Hinterlands, Mount Tamborine to see the great trees and temperate rainforests - rainforests that did not have much insects that enjoy buzzing around you - rainforests that you can really enjoy. I went to the Sunshine Coast, to Noosa and the famous Eumandi Markets that stretch for almost a kilometre in length and breadth..

In Winter, I went to the city of Melbourne, climbed ancient mountains and travelled the Great Ocean Road. I went to Sydney city, took a billion photos of the Sydney Opera House, climbed the Harbour Bridge, ate at the Fisherman's Wharf, got lost in the Blue Mountains. In my last Winter, I went to magnificent New Zealand, travelled the entire length and breadth of the Southern Island, visited Queenstown, Christchurch, Milford Sound, Tekapo, Fox Glacier.

In Spring, I went to Toowoomba to gasp at the sheer amount of flora and fauna, went to Tweed Heads to check out the magnificent sea cliffs. I finally went to Tasmania, and travelled the entire circumference and everything in between in a fortnight of extreme adventure.

You see, I did use my time properly. Haha... I don't regret the sheer lack of time I had in Australia for stoning. Every day was an adventure, every season an opportunity. I studied hard, I played hard. And as for the weather, well... 

It was awesome. 

Parallex Error

Logic doesn't make sense in an emotional equation. It feels like ive been slammed left right and centre right in the middle of my emotional cortex.

I know the rules, and I've played that fatal game before. - never mess with those out of your league, it never ends well. So, how on earth could it even be remotely possible?

My confidence has soared drastically, yet when I attempt to rationalize the situation,  it plummets into an abyss. I could literally laugh and weep at the same time.

For every transaction, there must be an equal exchange. Seriously, what do I have to exchange that would be of value?

Heaven and earth never touches for obvious reasons.

I'm tumbling down the rabbit hole.

I've never been so depressed in my life before... it's a struggle, every single day... not by my superiors, not by my colleagues but by myself. I have a target to hit, a certain figure that I must achieve every month... but the most brutal taskmaster is myself..

I postponed all appointments, schedules, invitations.. so that I could finally be alone by myself to think for the first time in weeks...
- what is happening to me?

I really don't know what is happening... my mind is in a constant compressed state of stress and agitation, I just feel so lethargic and unmotivated that I could cry.. how far have I fallen from my previously cheerful state?

Is this the life which I want?

The sky is getting dark as I write this post, and I'm all alone in my house... More then one person has said that it is my attitude, that I need to change my attitude... I need to look on the bright side, that I have a job, I have an environment to work in that is relatively conducive.
Only catch is, you are your own taskmaster.

Then, what is the job I think suits me best? I'm tired, so tired of being in places where I can't see the future or a future inside it...

I want to genuinely help people, and where people will appreciate the help
I want to have an organized, standardized working time
I want to work hard, and know that people around me know I'm a hard worker.
I want to be in a supportive working environment
I want to specialize at something, and excel in it to the point of almost perfection.
I want to be indispensable in an organization
I want to be a Christian on my job.

I don't want to have to worry about my next rice bowl or roof over my head
I don't want to constantly be worrying about whether there will be business tomorrow or the day after
I don't want to feel so alone in everything I do




Every night when I pray I cry.. it hurts so much and I don't know why...
I even think I might be suffering from clinical depression... I even feel suicidal at times.
My mind is constantly hazy and my brain keeps thumbing me down at everything....



I need help.

='(

To Probe the Invisible Behemoth

It has been a long, long time since I blogged properly..

Haha... I guess it's because I have so many things to write about, so many thoughts un-penned that the notion of putting them all into words is proving to be a very daunting task.

To sum things up, just one post ago (which was quite some time back), I was given the Herculean task of completing the CMFAS papers by the Monetary Authority of Singapore.

CMFAS actually means Capital Market Financial Advisory Services, so yes, I am registered as a legal representative to give financial advise, of course under the watch of my employer.

In perspective, I've told many people how seemingly impossible a task this is, to complete ELEVEN examinations in under a month, and EIGHTEEN internal papers in the next month, totalling to TWENTY-NINE exams in under TWO months.

If maths serve you well, you would gasp in shock and horror as you realize that yes, that means an exam almost every day.

But, the amount of knowledge I have absorbed in the past months is beyond comprehension as well. Studying day, and night, to the point of limiting my sleep and spending every waking moment pouring through textbooks and mock papers flung open a reality that I never thought would exist - the Market.

No, not the place where you buy fish and vegetables (though that would constitute a microscopic part of the Market), but the place where an invisible behemoth lies beneath. The Market, it is everywhere and it affects literally everything. No country can hide from it, and no individual is invulnerable to it.

This brings the total behemoths I surmise over my past experiences to three. 

1) The physical reality: This reality is what you see, what you feel, hear, smell - everything your senses can lock in. If you die in the physical reality, you will never see it again.

2) The Internet: This is a reality. And its a behemoth in it's infant stages. The Internet is everywhere, and it is the combined knowledge of almost every single discovery and wisdom that has every been historically available. If you imagine a single person being able to have the entire Internet in his brain, he would technically be able to solve every single problem on earth just be tabulating all the various permutations to create a solution.

3) The Market: This is a behemoth in it's matured stage. Like the Internet, it is invisible. But the market controls politics, which in turn controls people, which in turn controls culture and everything in it. You and I collateral result of the Market. The education system, the sociological construct, and even happiness and sadness are very much controlled by this behemoth.

These three sleeping monsters are a ticking time bomb, waiting to detonate and collapse - resulting in ultimate chaos from their construct of ultimate order.

You must be thinking, "siao ah", this guy is mad.

But imagine this:

1) The Physical Reality is in an unprecedented, never seen before stage in the billion-years history of the planet. Nature is ripping the entire planet apart. Temperatures are rising and plummeting, drought, famine, floods, disease are the order of the day. Every single day, even your most favourite optimistic news station broadcasts news that would make people in the 16th century declare Apocalypse now. These disasters has increased exponentially over the past century. Just imagine, if the disaster rate just folded upon itself and multiplied itself again, lets say by 10 times; you will be seeing billions of people dying every single day.

2) The Internet. This is a tricky topic, and many people would think that it would never happen. But to understand what COULD happen, it just takes a little bit of imagination. The Internet is the biggest reservoir of knowledge in the entire world - nothing even comes close. As with the famous phrase "knowledge is power"; we are living in the era where information is the ultimate currency. It is not too hard to imagine that the entire world will soon be dependent on the Internet for information. In fact, as of this moment, schools are integrating Google as a part of the education syllabus.

There is just one problem - when does it stop? In one swoop, all your credit card, your house keys, your children's information and your medical information can belong to a single organization. All you can do is pray that they are on your side. Then again, the likelihood is at best, 50-50.

3) The Market: Judging from what I've learnt so far, the Market is system that imposes regulations upon regulation and more regulations in order to justify certain outcomes for the rich. It is this "Market" that the Devil wears Prada on. It is this "Market" that the rich and famous control. It is this "Market" that almost every single war in the past century has been centred upon. At the current moment, the world is in a more critical situation than it has ever been in ever - market volatility is at it's highest, recession and stagflation hits harder and harder, and the entire world in MASSIVE debt - ironically, to its future. I was talking to a good friend this morning, and he enlightened me that this debt is a "push forward debt", simply put - the future generation WILL pay for the mistakes of today.

There is NO solution to it unless of course entire countries collapse. Like how the Greece debt crisis is happening now.

You see? We're truly living in very interesting times.

If we could by stock options on our futures, the premium would be very high judging on the extreme volatility of every situation happening.

There are of course solutions to this - and that is to prepare everyone and erase the source of the problem at one go.

But I digress. I am writing this post because for once I actually have a bit of free time, after I have done my long overdued housework.

Finally, just as the icing on the cake, I am now truly a Banker.

I have obtained approval from both MAS and my employer, DBS to be one.

This has not been an easy road, and the journey ahead is at best, tougher. But I thank, with all my heart the few people who offered me this chance to run this path. As always, I will do my best. I simply, do not know how not to.

Success is only available to those who persevere.

=)

Thank you. 

Let no one ever say that I am not doing my best for the CMFAS exams.

I'm Andrew.

I don't know how NOT to do my best.